Stewie got this sign for Christmas after she bit a chunk of fur out of her kitty brother’s neck because he always tries to eat her hay. She also chases the dog and steals his toys.
I clawed my dad’s testicle when he tried to give me a bath. -Lucy
“I ate all the stuffing from my toy squirrel. Now I’m pooping out cotton like I’m Eli Whitney.”
Manny de-stuffed his toy squirrel, so now we’ve spent several days pulling excess cotton out of his butt after he poops. We’ve since switched to stuffing-free toys.
We went out for dinner and Harley ate my mother’s favorite ornament off of the Christmas tree. Good times…
“My mommy left her heel on the floor. That’ll teach her to never leave me.”
I left my black heels on the floor after getting back from a night out, during which we had to put the dog in his crate for a little longer than usual. I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of chomping, and saw immediately that he had chomped all the black off the heel of the shoe. I can only assume that he thinks this will keep me home next time.
We all have issues
While my family was at church, I pooped on the trampoline and rolled in it for good measure. They’ll think twice about going to church without me.
Our English Springer Spaniel loves to eat my daughter’s lip balm. And not just any lip balm will do. She only eats Eos lip balm. This week alone, she’s eaten three tubes of it.
14 years he’s had this belt. I chewed thru it in 5 minutes.