Mommy makes the carpets not smell like me, so I decided to tell her what I think about that!
The smell of my farts wake my mom out of a sound sleep.
Mommy has learned her lesson, so I trick any new people I meet into my painful trap.
Brick spends his days with me at my yarn shop. He loves playing in the windows and watching people go by. Some of my customers informed me, when they walked out at closing, that he had left a present in the tissue paper grass of the window display. But now that he’s potty trained, and we have a lidded trash can, he’s an exemplary Shop Dog.
“I ate my daddy’s Kindle!”
I have been advocating to my husband that my 2 year old hound, Ace, is a good dog. But Ace keeps presenting evidence to the contrary. The sign says, “My name is Ace. My mommy calls me Acehole because I eat things like underwear, shoestrings, and curling irons.”
Who needs an alarm clock with puppy Bailey around? Not ME. “I farted so bad it woke my dad up! …Twice!
I sneak away to eat horse poop and try to give kisses after.
When nobody’s in the kitchen, I sneak in and lick all the dishes in the dishwasher!
I turn rented textbooks into bought textbooks.