“While the folks and guests were at Christmas Eve service, I ate all the food-gifts under the tree. Coco (I also eat poop, but doesn’t everyone?)”
Why, you may ask, would anyone with a dog leave food-gifts on the floor while no one was home? Because the “folks” know better, but the guests didn’t. It didn’t occur to the folks to say to the guests, “Do any of those packages and bags have food in them?” Alas, alack. Doggie food attack.