I ate EIGHT expired hot dogs out of the garbage!

Daisy eats all the catnip mice. She is the reason the cats can’t have nice things.

I fart myself awake.

Meg likes to steal my mascara and eat it out of the tubes. Lovely!

“I like to wear Mummy’s make up on my feet after I’ve destroyed it”

“I do naughty things to my bed in front of company and little kids.”

We bought this couch on Saturday. Coda apparently didn’t like it.

This is Ella, a sweet sweet girl I found matted and filthy at the school I used to work at. She has been a model pup *until* she chewed up my $400 glasses.

“I chewed up Mommy’s new Burberry glasses then wiggled my butt and wagged my tail while she yelled and cried.”

-Ella

Editor’s note: Ella’s mommy didn’t actually yell at Ella; it’s just a figure of speech.

Marmalade comes running when the kitty treat jar is opened. She begs for them and steals them from the cats. Not to mention destroying all their toys. But she also kisses them and loves on them, so it’s all good.

My dog Millie is nearly 3 years old. She is a chocolate lab cross, and she has destroyed our family trampoline

How was I supposed to know the Rottweiler was gonna take a dump at the exact moment I went up to sniff him ?