The Surfing Scientist

Bella and Penny stopped burglars from entering our home when they first broke into our garage. They are very brave and got rewarded accordingly. No shame here!
“I took a dump on mom’s chest while she was napping.”
I spent the weekend at my parent’s home; I got a warm dinner and lost a pair of underwear to their Wheaten, Finnegan.
I ate 4 lbs of frozen ground beef.
When my mom leaves me at home by myself, I find one of her Birkenstocks to eat.