My daughter came to me crying because Tiger stole her fish and showed no remorse about it.
I make kids cry.

My daughter came to me crying because Tiger stole her fish and showed no remorse about it.
I ate the Trampoline!!
I am a tomato thief. Sorry, I’m not sorry. Boozie.
Boozie picks the tomatoes and scatters them around the yard. She leaves the cayenne and jalopeno’s alone though.
Ariel: I just had my 3rd shower this week 🙁
Ricky: Because I peed on her! (3 times…)
My son left for camp at 4am but Bunni decided that he didn’t need to see for a week so she ate his contacts!
Adam decided he wanted to create his very own masterpiece.
I ate 30 ounces of honey and threw up all over mommy’s clean clothes
I eat the baby’s dirty diapers and then make my mom clean up my vomit. (Shreds of dirty diaper + barf = pure nastiness)
I ripped the legs off this ostrich and pooped them out on the driveway. -Maggie A.
I walked into the boss’ office and ate the hamburger right off her desk. On her birthday. My mom said something about kissing promotions good-bye.